Monday, October 25, 2010
Will you refuse Jesus?
You are, I know, the most incapable person, weak and sinful, but just because you are that- I want to use you for My glory. Will you refuse?
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Village Visit
Today I was finally able to go home with a few of the students who don't stay at the hostel. I've had permission for over a week, but the eye problems set me back. I walked home with one family after the school bell rang ending our day.
I went to one of my 5th standard girls' house first. I don't know what I was expecting, certainly not much from the time I've spent here in India so far. Even so, I was still surprised to come to three small huts about the size of an American closet (not the walk-in kind!) joined in the middle by a blue tarp. The sleeping cots were outside under the tarp as they were too large to fit in any of the three huts. The whole arrangement looked similar to something I constructed in my bedroom as a child during playtime. To take a picture with the children standing at full height, we had to stand just outside the tarp.
What I have the hardest time wrapping my mind around, is the fact that these two children were hostel students a month before. She was so excited when she told me they were living in their own home and she didn't have to stay at the school full-time anymore. In my mind I had always pictured that the students who ride the bus to our school every morning are coming from American style homes. I realize this was a foolish thought, but it's where my mind went. Not living in the hostel meant, well-off. In all reality, there are only a handful of people in all of India who are "well-off."
Next, I went to the home of 3 of my other students. One 3rd standard, one 5th, and one 8th. These sisters live in a home with their younger brother, older sister, mother and grandparents. It was a little larger than the first home and had cement walls. We could all fit inside and stand straight. Basically, their belongings consisted of clothes, school items, cooking utensils, and a few pictures of their father who passed away. When I think about my house in comparison, I am disgusted in the way I live. If they can live happily day by day as they do, there is so much in my home that is just waste. I have more in my room here in India than they have in their entire house. In fact, my room here is larger than their house. But don't get me wrong, the size, material, and contents of the house don't matter. These families have a great home filled with love and simple pleasures. I would be happy to spend the rest of my time here living in the villages.
While there, their mother made me coffee and purchased cake at the village shop. I felt bad eating with so many children around, but they were so happy to serve me and wouldn't let me share my piece. The way these people would give the shirt off their back without even flinching is inspiring. I hope to show such hospitality to everyone who enters my home.
We spent the rest of my time there touring the village, playing games, and dancing to the radio. That two hours spent in the village was one of my best experiences so far. I hope to go with several more students before the year ends.
I went to one of my 5th standard girls' house first. I don't know what I was expecting, certainly not much from the time I've spent here in India so far. Even so, I was still surprised to come to three small huts about the size of an American closet (not the walk-in kind!) joined in the middle by a blue tarp. The sleeping cots were outside under the tarp as they were too large to fit in any of the three huts. The whole arrangement looked similar to something I constructed in my bedroom as a child during playtime. To take a picture with the children standing at full height, we had to stand just outside the tarp.
What I have the hardest time wrapping my mind around, is the fact that these two children were hostel students a month before. She was so excited when she told me they were living in their own home and she didn't have to stay at the school full-time anymore. In my mind I had always pictured that the students who ride the bus to our school every morning are coming from American style homes. I realize this was a foolish thought, but it's where my mind went. Not living in the hostel meant, well-off. In all reality, there are only a handful of people in all of India who are "well-off."
Next, I went to the home of 3 of my other students. One 3rd standard, one 5th, and one 8th. These sisters live in a home with their younger brother, older sister, mother and grandparents. It was a little larger than the first home and had cement walls. We could all fit inside and stand straight. Basically, their belongings consisted of clothes, school items, cooking utensils, and a few pictures of their father who passed away. When I think about my house in comparison, I am disgusted in the way I live. If they can live happily day by day as they do, there is so much in my home that is just waste. I have more in my room here in India than they have in their entire house. In fact, my room here is larger than their house. But don't get me wrong, the size, material, and contents of the house don't matter. These families have a great home filled with love and simple pleasures. I would be happy to spend the rest of my time here living in the villages.
While there, their mother made me coffee and purchased cake at the village shop. I felt bad eating with so many children around, but they were so happy to serve me and wouldn't let me share my piece. The way these people would give the shirt off their back without even flinching is inspiring. I hope to show such hospitality to everyone who enters my home.
We spent the rest of my time there touring the village, playing games, and dancing to the radio. That two hours spent in the village was one of my best experiences so far. I hope to go with several more students before the year ends.
Monday, October 11, 2010
A day in the life of an Untouchable...
This week there is a problem spreading through our school similar to pink-eye. Today I woke up to the same eye pain that all these students have been experiencing. As it only begun a couple days back, we the infected, are only about 40-50 strong. I was hoping I could go through the day without anyone noticing. But of course, the first people I came to, could immediately point out the problem.
The uninfected keep their distance and everyone looks at me as though I'm carrying the plague. The currently infected look at me with shame and guilt as though they are to blame. Some actually believe that they will catch it merely from looking and guard their eyes as they pass.
I have come to find comfort in the touch of those students who are experiencing these same problems. While the touch and acknowlegement of those students who aren't, feels like a blessing from God. I imagine this is only a fraction of how the "Untouchables" must feel every day of their lives.
Though I have entitled this post "A day in the life," in all reality, I haven't even made it the whole day. I have only made it until afternoon and I am filled with shame and embarrassment. I also have the sympathy and support here of all who love me, so my experience is nothing in comparison. And I know that this is nothing more than an eye infection and soon will heal. But, the behavior and suggestion of others has a huge affect on our feelings. I do believe that everyone should know, even if only for a brief time, what it feels like to be an outcast.
I don't blame anyone for this problem and I am not worried about my health. It will pass in a week and nothing will have changed. I just found the experience to be enlightening and I wanted to share it with anyone who's still reading.
BTW, keep us all in your prayers because there are many of us experiencing pain and the number is growing daily!
The uninfected keep their distance and everyone looks at me as though I'm carrying the plague. The currently infected look at me with shame and guilt as though they are to blame. Some actually believe that they will catch it merely from looking and guard their eyes as they pass.
I have come to find comfort in the touch of those students who are experiencing these same problems. While the touch and acknowlegement of those students who aren't, feels like a blessing from God. I imagine this is only a fraction of how the "Untouchables" must feel every day of their lives.
Though I have entitled this post "A day in the life," in all reality, I haven't even made it the whole day. I have only made it until afternoon and I am filled with shame and embarrassment. I also have the sympathy and support here of all who love me, so my experience is nothing in comparison. And I know that this is nothing more than an eye infection and soon will heal. But, the behavior and suggestion of others has a huge affect on our feelings. I do believe that everyone should know, even if only for a brief time, what it feels like to be an outcast.
I don't blame anyone for this problem and I am not worried about my health. It will pass in a week and nothing will have changed. I just found the experience to be enlightening and I wanted to share it with anyone who's still reading.
BTW, keep us all in your prayers because there are many of us experiencing pain and the number is growing daily!
Monday, October 4, 2010
The last month at a glance!
Again, I am slow to get an update. There is so much to say and it feels like time is flying faster than ever. So many things have happened in the last few weeks. I celebrated teacher’s day here in India. It was nice to have 300 wishes of “Happy Teacher’s Day,” from the students and staff as well as a few heartfelt gifts the students drew.
We also attended the marriage party of one of the teachers from my school. She is no longer working at the school as she has moved to her husband’s village. The bride was a beautiful sight. For weddings, they spare no expense for jewelry. The parents arranged the marriage. I tried to imagine getting to know everything you would like to know about the man you would spend the rest of your life with a week before the ceremony. Scary thought!
My students took their quarterly exams, and I am happy with the results. It is nothing like testing in America, but I think they did well. One teacher told me her students scored higher in English than in Tamil! After exams, everyone was leaving for 10 days. Mom and I took this time to see our kids at New Life and Light of Love.
We took a train to Visak to save ourselves about $750. It was an experience. The scenery was beautiful, and something we wouldn’t get on the flight. We met some interesting people and had plenty of time to relax, talk and listen to music. For a 19 hour trip we decided to just bring along some snacks instead of worrying about getting train food. Staring at a young teenage boy crawling on the floor of a dirty train, tugging on clothes and begging for money, my appetite was soon gone. How could I sit there eating my snacks while a different beggar is coming through our car every five minutes? At first, I am ashamed to say that I felt frustration because everyone is guaranteed to stop at us for money because we are white and appear to be the golden ticket. I wasn’t irritated at the act of begging, but feeling like I couldn’t help everyone who stops. Soon thereafter, I realized I could probably afford to pay every begging child, mother, or disabled person who passed me enough to live off for a few days in India, without putting a dent in my American wallet. Even so, more overwhelming than the feeling of shame for not giving immediately and wholeheartedly, was the realization that my money can’t really help them at all. That boy will probably be working the same train route tomorrow and the next day for as long as I can imagine. These people are not only monetarily poor, but also physically, emotionally, and spiritually. How can I make a difference? I still believe in freely giving to and serving others. No good deed, no matter how big or small, goes without benefiting someone. I just need to decide what I’m doing that changes the big picture. Am I living a life worthwhile that really makes a difference, or am I living for me. I think I will need all 7 months left in India to decide my next steps when returning home. If coming home is even the answer.
As we were a good two hours from our final destination on the train, I look out to see my familiar second home, Light of Love. There were definitely some mixed emotions. Overjoyed that seeing the school means we are back and those beautiful children are closer than ever. Saddened by the fact that we are quickly rolling past and not ready to just jump out and start giving our hugs.
Arriving at New Life was a rush. I made sure to put on all my memory gifts from the children before we arrived. I have to change them from one school to the next because I have gotten so many. Stepping out of the car, I see Malleswari, the girl I sponsor, holding the garland for me. She looked as beautiful and ever and it was great to be able to hug her again. Walking through the line of children, mom and I are able to answer correctly, as many students ask, “My name?” The look they give you followed by a big smile and hug is such a rush. We forget what it means to the kids to have you remember them and know them by name. I get a small picture of heaven as we all run to Jesus, seeing that he really does know us all down to the number of hairs on our head.
One day, the older girls decided they wanted to go for picnic in the forest. We started walking with some water bottles and biscuits (Indian cookies) in hand. Nothing like narrow paths lined with thorny bushes and trees to remind me why long skirts aren’t the most convenient thing to wear. It’s moments like these that I find myself wondering how I can ever begin to convey them to family and friends back home. Having my mom with me, I know she will understand. However, thorn in foot, sweat rolling, snakes crawling, dress catching at every step I take, it seems as though most people won’t be able to figure out why I enjoyed myself so much. I suppose I’m the one who doesn’t know how to put it into words properly. It seems as though every experience I have here in India is new. What I like more than anything is that I am usually living outside of my comfort zone. For once in my life, I am happy to do things I’ve never tried before. No matter what my fears in the past have been, I try new things put before me without hesitation.
One thing I have discovered very quickly, is that with each trip to New Life and Light of Love, leaving gets a little harder. This time I was dreading the moment the car started for us to leave several hours before. The handful of children who I had bonded with the most over the last several months of visits knew exactly how much time I had left. With a language barrier, it would seem difficult to build relationships with the children. But, it such a short time, no words are needed. Walking hand in hand with the kids and sharing those knowing glances during prayer are all I need to be filled with love.
While I’m not sure I will ever leave New Life again without tears, it was also good when we reached my school in Annai Erica again. I was happy to see all my students and friends looking fresh after a long break. Now the hard part is having Mom leave. Her two months here are finished and we just took her to the airport today. I know she will be greatly missed by all the students as well. It was nice to have family here for a while to share in all the joys of India. Now I will need to work a little harder on my Tamil to communicate even easier with everyone.
I will try to be more consistent with my posts!
We also attended the marriage party of one of the teachers from my school. She is no longer working at the school as she has moved to her husband’s village. The bride was a beautiful sight. For weddings, they spare no expense for jewelry. The parents arranged the marriage. I tried to imagine getting to know everything you would like to know about the man you would spend the rest of your life with a week before the ceremony. Scary thought!
My students took their quarterly exams, and I am happy with the results. It is nothing like testing in America, but I think they did well. One teacher told me her students scored higher in English than in Tamil! After exams, everyone was leaving for 10 days. Mom and I took this time to see our kids at New Life and Light of Love.
We took a train to Visak to save ourselves about $750. It was an experience. The scenery was beautiful, and something we wouldn’t get on the flight. We met some interesting people and had plenty of time to relax, talk and listen to music. For a 19 hour trip we decided to just bring along some snacks instead of worrying about getting train food. Staring at a young teenage boy crawling on the floor of a dirty train, tugging on clothes and begging for money, my appetite was soon gone. How could I sit there eating my snacks while a different beggar is coming through our car every five minutes? At first, I am ashamed to say that I felt frustration because everyone is guaranteed to stop at us for money because we are white and appear to be the golden ticket. I wasn’t irritated at the act of begging, but feeling like I couldn’t help everyone who stops. Soon thereafter, I realized I could probably afford to pay every begging child, mother, or disabled person who passed me enough to live off for a few days in India, without putting a dent in my American wallet. Even so, more overwhelming than the feeling of shame for not giving immediately and wholeheartedly, was the realization that my money can’t really help them at all. That boy will probably be working the same train route tomorrow and the next day for as long as I can imagine. These people are not only monetarily poor, but also physically, emotionally, and spiritually. How can I make a difference? I still believe in freely giving to and serving others. No good deed, no matter how big or small, goes without benefiting someone. I just need to decide what I’m doing that changes the big picture. Am I living a life worthwhile that really makes a difference, or am I living for me. I think I will need all 7 months left in India to decide my next steps when returning home. If coming home is even the answer.
As we were a good two hours from our final destination on the train, I look out to see my familiar second home, Light of Love. There were definitely some mixed emotions. Overjoyed that seeing the school means we are back and those beautiful children are closer than ever. Saddened by the fact that we are quickly rolling past and not ready to just jump out and start giving our hugs.
Arriving at New Life was a rush. I made sure to put on all my memory gifts from the children before we arrived. I have to change them from one school to the next because I have gotten so many. Stepping out of the car, I see Malleswari, the girl I sponsor, holding the garland for me. She looked as beautiful and ever and it was great to be able to hug her again. Walking through the line of children, mom and I are able to answer correctly, as many students ask, “My name?” The look they give you followed by a big smile and hug is such a rush. We forget what it means to the kids to have you remember them and know them by name. I get a small picture of heaven as we all run to Jesus, seeing that he really does know us all down to the number of hairs on our head.
One day, the older girls decided they wanted to go for picnic in the forest. We started walking with some water bottles and biscuits (Indian cookies) in hand. Nothing like narrow paths lined with thorny bushes and trees to remind me why long skirts aren’t the most convenient thing to wear. It’s moments like these that I find myself wondering how I can ever begin to convey them to family and friends back home. Having my mom with me, I know she will understand. However, thorn in foot, sweat rolling, snakes crawling, dress catching at every step I take, it seems as though most people won’t be able to figure out why I enjoyed myself so much. I suppose I’m the one who doesn’t know how to put it into words properly. It seems as though every experience I have here in India is new. What I like more than anything is that I am usually living outside of my comfort zone. For once in my life, I am happy to do things I’ve never tried before. No matter what my fears in the past have been, I try new things put before me without hesitation.
One thing I have discovered very quickly, is that with each trip to New Life and Light of Love, leaving gets a little harder. This time I was dreading the moment the car started for us to leave several hours before. The handful of children who I had bonded with the most over the last several months of visits knew exactly how much time I had left. With a language barrier, it would seem difficult to build relationships with the children. But, it such a short time, no words are needed. Walking hand in hand with the kids and sharing those knowing glances during prayer are all I need to be filled with love.
While I’m not sure I will ever leave New Life again without tears, it was also good when we reached my school in Annai Erica again. I was happy to see all my students and friends looking fresh after a long break. Now the hard part is having Mom leave. Her two months here are finished and we just took her to the airport today. I know she will be greatly missed by all the students as well. It was nice to have family here for a while to share in all the joys of India. Now I will need to work a little harder on my Tamil to communicate even easier with everyone.
I will try to be more consistent with my posts!
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